RAPHAEL D’ABDON

a woman crossing the square slips in the mud
she falls head over heels
her skirt flies over her head
her bum in the air

the fools laugh fit to burst
shout dirty words

the king passes on horseback
the mud makes the beast slip
they roll on the ground
the king’s bum in the air
through the torn uniform

the fools rush
to take off their hats
a madwoman across the square can’t help
laughing her head off

to drown her laughter
the fools chorus at the top of their voices
a praise to the king’s bum

“oh wonderful cheeks, kissed by the sun
chiselled by god, marvellous spheres”

in fear, the king shits himself
the fools praise the royal dung’s stink

“oh precious fumes, sweeter than sugar
blown by god, fabulous fog”

the madwoman runs up
waving a bunch of flowers
sings a hymn to the king’s shit
plants a lavender sprig in it

the fools applaud but then
by a miracle
understand the prank
and pick up stones to lynch
the blasphemous bitch

but since they know it’s great bad luck
to kill a madwoman
protected as she is
by the areola of harley quinn
(“goddesses’ dearest madwoman”)

impotently watch her pantomime

later, at home
each one by himself
remembers the madwoman’s performance
and laughs

they laugh till they pee themselves

for a moment they forget they are fools
but only for a moment
because alas

madwomen are few, and too far ahead
and fools don’t get much chance
to see them
and their pantomimes

Bum Holes courtesy of Gilbert & George.