LESEGO RAMPOLOKENG

TANSI vision.

umbono wento ka TANSI

blind. raw. unequivocally brutal. grotesqueries walking. the Dracula cape swings in the blood-wind. scabby. random. big ‘rimshot-thru’. in no communication zone. blasted mind kings. contracted to the ‘life-rinse’ dismembered memories. things dead as empty heads. shit-heap-o-christus. fake your stake. putrescence dressed in lace. gore. mashed blood & flesh mess at the great open market. slave sales free.

pretence to sense existant opposite magic…

awuboni. ukrwada. awucengi. uthandabuzeka ehamba. isambatho sikaDracula sijingiza emoyeni-igazi. ukhwekhwe. qhelekanga. isandikazi segubu. kwindawo ethuleyo. iikumkani ezixinene ingqondo. zizmanye nokudibanisa iinkumbulo. izinto ezifileyo okwe ntloko ezingenabuchopho. ukhuphe-into-engavakaliyo. yiba ngathi awukhathali. umbolo uqukunjelwe ngomhombiso weleyisi. amahlwili. egazi nenyama emarikeni kunyekenyeke. ubukhoboka bamahala. kwenziwa ingathi buyaziwa ubugqi.

tied to bi-poles. might at negotiation.

fates strung to the axe-block. blind states called mind. turd race. hypothetical position taken otherside the guillotine. decapitated to reconstituted human. gender-bended to a dick-bone-crack. multi-layered. knives are structurally constructed, formally sharpened. & the neck knows the truth about innovation.
at the forge.  

botshelelwe kwi-bi-poles.. kujanyelwene kwingxoxo.
isiphelo silungu-lunguza phantsi kwezembe. ukumfimfithekisa kwengqondo. ugqatso lobuthuvi. kugqitywe kungekaqalwa kwelinye icala umatshini wokunqumla intloko. unqumle abo bazalwe ngokutsha. babhenqwe isini ngomsipha womthondo. imoqolo emininzi. kwimela yenziwe ngocoselelo oluthize, zilolwe kakuhle nje. & intamo iyayazi inyani yokuguqulwa kwezinto.
apho zikhandwa khona.

  
*

THE WORD is in ME.

ILIZWI liphila KUM

let’s call this piece ‘psalms or arms in search of peace’, meaning the negotiation process in progress.

‘cease-fire!’ the military leader/commander screams/shouts & expires on silence. drops dead with a bullet through the head.

overhead, the rustle of banknotes.

enter stage-left, a group of rabid militants intent on armed takes-over. with assault-rifles bombs hand-grenades knives swords sticks-’n-stones, chanting to effect ‘kick the serpent in the egg it won’t grow to bite…hm…mh…h…m…with the bible & the rifle they…so…’ to put things in perspective let’s turn the history page…forget it.

lo mbhalo masiwubize “indumiso okanye izixhobo ezikhangela uxolo”, into ethetha ukuthi ingxoxo ziqalile

‘hoha!’ kukhwaza/kunqanda inkokheli/umphathi wamajoni & ayeke kwakuthi cwaka. ayokuthi dundululu ewiswa yimbumbulu embethe entloko.

ngaphezulu, ngurhwatsha-rhwatsha wemali yamaphepha.

eqongeni kwelicala lasekhohlo kungena, iqela lamajoni elivathe obenja lizimisele ukuntlokothisa. baphethe ombayi-mbayi iziqhushumbisi neziqhushumbisi eziphoswa ngezandla iimela iisabile iintonga-kunye namatye, bacula “khaba lenyoka iseseqandeni ingazokukhula isilume…hm..mh…h…m…ngebhayibhile nombayi-mbayi babe….yiyo….’ ukuze ucacelwe masikhe sityhile kwiphepha lembali yethu…yeka.

anyway, then enter on the wrong side of the racial divide a sunday school busload.

this is an ambush, to all the script’s intents & purposes. war-stop. the bus is forced off the road. understandably enough. the children are lined up each against an imaginary cross. told to each hold their bible over their heart.

asked who the greater is. god or man.

introduce at this point psalm 23. the children take off on a tearful singing “the lord is my shepherd…of whom shall i be afraid…”

strydom was once an angelic child with a demon breeding within, so?

so… countdown to racial…fire!

the word of god is not a bullet-proof-vest.strips of paper & bits of bodies tear apart.

hold the air hostage. over the stage. or the page i’m writing.

they fall in the direction directly opposite heaven.

& god doesn’t come down.

but it rains.

black.

ayinamsebenzi leyo. abantwana badweliswe okungathi bazakubethelelwa emnqamlezweni. kuthiwe elowo nalowo makabeke ibhayibhile evalweni.

kwabuzwa ngubani onamandla onke. nguthixo okanye yindoda.

kwesisithuba uqala indumiso 23. bacengceleza benyembezana  abantwana  “uyehova ngumalusi wam…nguye ekufanele ndimoyike….”

ustrydom wayengumtwana ozilungeleyo enefufunyana eliqubudileyo, ngoku?

ewe…kwabalwa….dubula!

ilizwi likathixo ayisosikhuseli mbumbulu

ngu saa wokukrazuka kweziqwentshu zamaphepha & inyama ezithile zemizimba

xhomisa umoya. phezu kweqonga. okanye kweliphepha ndilibhalayo.

bawa besiwela kwelicala lijonge ezulwini.

&uthixo akehli.

kodwa kuyanetha.

ubumnyama.

& across the room an intellectual-in-waiting grows feverish.

hysterical.

“art for the head & the bullet take the heart…”

& the rain comes in a blitzkrieg across the land.

vonnegut’s dresden burns in my brains.

in vain i hold my steel encased copy of das kapital over my head. out of fashion. the stains i leave on the carpet are blood. red carpet treatment.

“everytime i ‘ear the soun’…”

i turn around try to run but the homicide’s already inside. trying to get out. of my mind. ‘pummeling into the ground, kicking behind the head…my being a poet won’t stand between me & a gunshot.

drive it deep into the earth where it came from…it tries to lick my senses…

“voices of the land…” cronin screams himself hoarse for sanity. soil to soil.

&kwelinye icala legumbi ingqondi-ecinga-ukuba-ibalulekile iphelelwa ngumonde.

ayikwazi uzimbamba.

“Ubugcisa bobegqondo & imbumbulu yona ithatha intliziyo…”

& lemvula yehla iyiblitzkrieg(itsheleza) phezu komhlaba.

kutshisa ubuchpho libali likavonnegut lase dresden.

ngokuzimisela okukhulu ndiphakamisa phezu kwentloko yam ityesi yentsimbi evalele ikopi yam ka das kapital. ngokungaqhelekanga. ndishiya ikhaphethi inamabala egazi.

“qho xa ‘ndisiv’ isand’…ndiyajika ndizame ukubaleka kodwa ukufa sele kungaphakathi. kufuna indlela yokuphuma. ezingcingeni zam.

kuxhimfa umhlaba. kukhabalaza enqentsu…ukuba yimbongi kwam akusoze kume phambi kwembumbulu.

kombele nzulu phantsi komhlaba kubuyele apho kuvela khona…kuzama ukundohlutha ingqondo…

“amazwi alomhlaba…” ucronin ukhwaza de atshelwe lilizwi ezama ukubuyela ezingqondweni. umhlaba emhlabeni.

& the boil of hate bursts on the face of human race. into my mouth. i spit the rot out.

but my pen’s inky time’s run out.

the imagination can’t withstand the reality.

the camera clicks on an Afrikaner predikant with a severed head in his hand. it’s of a child. before him kneels another of the volk. trying to gain balance on the pathetically small corpse prostrate under him. blood drips from the bleeding neck in baptismal. after all, this is Africa.

smiles all round.

switch to circus.

& ithumba lentiyo ligqabhukela ebusweni boluntu. emlonyeni wam. ndikhuphe into ebolileyo.

kodwa ixesha  lencindi yosiba lwam liphelile.

okusengqondweni akumelani nokwenzekayo.

ikhamera ifota umfundisi(predikant) womAfrikaner(ibhulu) embambe intloko enqunyuliweyo ngesandla. yeyomntwana. phambi kwakhe kuguqe elinye ibhulu. lizama ukuzinza phezu kwalomzinjana ulisizana ungqengqe apha. intamo ithontsiza igazi okungathi kuyaphehlelelwa. ekugqibeleni, kuseAfrika apha. kusoloko kuncunyiwe.

masikrobe kwi sekisi.

the magician swallows a bullet & shits a gunshot. the people applaud open-mouthed as the blood liquid squirts from the hole in the white pants & hits them in the mouth. slides down the throat.

shoot on sight has become the premature ejaculator’s mating call. if you can’t change it go deranged & celebrate it.

on tv the leader foams at the mouth green spittle holds the bushveld beard in place:

umdlali wobugqi uginya imbumbulu & akake isithonga sompu. abantu bamqhwabele beyekelele imilomo loxa igazi litsiba kulomngxunya webhulukhwe emhlophe & tshwa emilonyeni yabo. lehle ngomqala.

ukuvela udubule kusuke kwayindlela yokuzeka kwabo bezisa msinya. ukuba awunaso isombululo vele uziphambanise & uziyolise.

kumabonakude inkokheli ixaphe amagwebu isikhohlela esiluhlaza sithe nca ngehlathi lendevu:

“who gave the blood river that name…? it was not the kaffir, … it was not the jew… nor the hound of a traitorous son of a the-land-belongs-to-all-prostitute… it was the boer…the afrikaner…”

“ngubani owathiya iblood river …? kuba yayingengo kaffir,….ingelilo nejuda…ingeyiyo nalanja ingumngcatshi yaphisa ngelizwe-kuwonke-wonke-zithathele…yayilibhulu..

umAfrikaner…”

pathic sounds all around. in the background farmers in the khaki of the land dig into boerewors. from the tv screen it looks suspiciously like human entrails.

as game a child is pulled out of water & thrown in a tub full of burning bubbling acid to wash off the filth & stench of its race. applause reaching the heavens when the skeleton surfaces clean, sterilized & completely devoid of racial identification, fleshless.

kukho incwina. qelele phaya amabhulu anxibe la unifomu ikhaki badume ngayo bahlawuza iboerewors. xa ujonge apha kumabonakude ikhangeleka ingathi ngamathumbu omntu.

wenziwe inyamakazi umntwana ukutshwa emanzini & ajulwe kwibhafu ezele i-asidi etshisayo ukwenzela azokuhlamba ubumdaka & ivumba lohlanga alulo. ihlombe livakala nasemazulwini xa amathambo ebuya ecocekile, engenantsholongwane & kungekho nento exela ukuba uloluphi uhlanga, kungekho nyama.

i write it down in the beam of a diseased time.

awful disgusting revolting they hold their noses who should publish & be dammned.

they wake me from my reality slumber.

-ist! post…!  …neo-…ist!

ndiyibhala phantsi ngomtha wexesha elinzima.

iyoyikeka iyonyanyeka iyacaphukisa  bebambe iimpumlo ngubani omakayishicilele & azokugwetywa.

bandivusa emaqandeni.

-ist! Post…! neo-….ist!

the tags lose their colour & get redeyed. blue. or green. or non-racial eyed. they stare from behind hooded or bearded lids. or bespectacled ones. on the dark owls need no spectacles. but these are dark glasses. or roses coloured. or even flesh of the ivy. or are orchids stuck in gaping holes where worms have finished gnashing their teeth.

oppressors oppressed. both now in the same bucket at the wank market…the ink of my patience’s run out. i gather the paper walls of my sanity & leave. carrying my home with me. letting the dust settle back on that silence. at the door i pick up the intellectual-in-waiting-in-myopic-open-mouthed-silence-now’s hardback hardy & hurl it hard at that maddening crowd.

spectacles break.

they rise & shine. & i run.

the young student with me.

abalandeli bajika umbala & abebomvu  amehlo. luhlaza. okanye luhlaza yaka. okanye amehlo angenahlanga. bajonge ngalo misebe mide. okanye inxityelwe indodo. ebumnyameni izikhova ziyabona. kodwa ezi zindondo ezimnyama. okanye ubuqu be-ivy. okanye zi-orchids zixinge kwimingxunya evuzayo apho imisundululu itshixiza khona amazinyo.

umcinezeli nomcinezelwa. bonke ngoku bangumgubo wengxowa enye emarikeni. ndiphelelwe yincindi yomonde wam. ndiqoqa amaphepha amadonga eengcinga zam & ndihamba ndiphethe konke okwam. ndivule uthuli lwehle kulenzolo. emnyango ndiqhwethe langqondi kudala ilindile-ixakene nento-ikhamisile-khwanqisiwe-ayinamazwi

ndithathe ncwadi & ndiyigibisele kanobom kwabanomyayi bangxolayo.

iindondo zophuke.

baphakame baziqokelele. & mna ndibaleke.

nalomfundi.

later, breathing heavily over coffee & cigarettes. she tells me.

“the sun goes down & the moon in cold gelled scorn witnesses hate born where the people are massed in flags flying high in the broken wind of political pretension…the masks of righteousness come up…across the land & on the mountain-top of opportunism the predators grind their teeth around agendas & policies gilt-edged with the bones of the people’s unrealised dream. the cover of pretence mists over. speeches come in elite flashes of the dentist’s smile…dissent is reaction…the newspaper radio television all proclaim power to the people freedom for all…well, power to the sand running through the gnarled finger of the nation’s senses…that same power cracks the ribs of the jostling hunger beneath the podium & it in turn turns into masse media terrorism…we’re all dirt in the rubble of struggle…”

ekuhambeni kwexesha, ephefumlela phezulu ephunga ikofu & eqhumisa icuba. undixelela ukuba.

“ilanga liyatshona & inyanga ngolukhulu lona ulunya ibukela inzondo izalwa kwindawo apho abantu baxinene khona kube kuxhonywe phezulu iiflegi ezibhudlwa ngumoya wobuxoki bepolitiki…kombathwe amefele egusha…phezu komhlaba & kwintaba yoburhalarhume ookrebe balola amazinyo ngamthambo emibandela & imigaqo equlathe amaphupha abantu. ubumenemene buqatsele. benze izithembiso bencume kwavela neliya lokugqibela…kusaphikiswana…amaphepha-ndaba nomabonakude bapapasha ulawulo loluntu nenkululeko yabaninzi. mandithi, amandla kwisanti eyehla kwiminwe egadalala yemizwa yesizwe…. ikwa ngalamandla la kuqhathwa ngawo uluntu & onondaba bayijike bayigqwethe yonke kumakhasi onxebelelwano…sonke singumgquba kwinkunkuma yentsokolo.”

her voice trails off into the distance of my loss of concentration. tumbles down in broken fists & crumbled stones of dead expectation. tearing screams off the flesh of the mutilated wall in the soft body of the distant silence of complacence. peels the skin off the bleeding skies. screaming shrapnel into the bubbling surface dawn of emptiness. ‘i’m looking on down at the pathetic heap of nothing but me at the barren field encounter of mind, hammer & jammed typewriter.

writing of nothingness.

talking to my own silences. but the noise bursts the eardrums of my defeat.

ilizwi lakhe livakelela kude le kwingcinga zam. liphelelwe ngamandla lakufika kulantlango yamathemba abhangayo. lidiliza iintlungu kwidonga eluyekelele umxakatho. lixobula ulusu lwesibhakabhaka esophayo. sikhuphela iingceba phezu kwengcinga ezilambathayo. ndijonge phantsi kubukhulu belithafa lengqondo lingumqwebedu, ihamile & nochwetheza ongasebenziyo.

ndibhala into engento.

Ndithethela entliziyweni kodwa ingxolo igqabhuza indlebe.

the flood was vomit blocking the streets. the country’s tablecloths stunk. bile silt in a yellow police van burning. fire licked the face of god. bullets tore through book lungs and students died clutching the search for knowledge to their chests. a panga slashed through a blue sneering moment in the life of authority. a dust coloured head rolled into the gutter. the neck spurted red baptismal water on the cannibal worshippers. in an alley a bemedalled phallus tore though layers of gymslip. we sliced through its hardness and ran into the dark throng waving its torch-light. it gave vermilion light. a child, arms outstretched to parental guidance had a bullet in its back throw it into its mother’s arms. brains flew to tree leaf leadership. 

izitalato zazibubutyadidi ngumgabho. amalaphu okugquma ihlazo lelilizwe ebophile. Intlenge yenyongo isitsha kwivantyi etyheli yamapolisa. umlilo urhawula ubuso bukathixo. iimbumbulu zagqobhoza iimilomo yeencwadi zashiya abafundi bethe natya besondeze indlela eya empumelelweni ezifubeni zabo. Ipanga isika ukuqatsela kwesigezo kwabaphetheyo. Intloko yowebala emgquba-gqubane iphoswe emjelweni. intamo iyophisa iphehlelela abanqula ubuzim. kwikona emxinwa umthondo ohonjisiweyo ukrazula ngolunya ilokhwe yesikolo. sawusika uqine unjalo sabaleka sityudisa kwinginginya yabantu sidlala ngentloko yawo. ichininika bomvu. Umntwana, iingalo zolulekile zilangazelela umzali imbumbulu isemqolo mphose ezandleni zikanina.

vulture-copters circled overhead, flame-tongues out, drooling acid onto the dead ground. government and leadership perched on amber leaves. with a flap of wings and perks on cheeks spat out into our chick-agape beaks. the vomit ran back, down the throat’s alleyways, cut sharp-toothed intestinal corners and burst out of the nation’s rectum to stink the newspapers used to wipe it. the car came with that smell stuck deep in its skin.

Ubuchopho bayokuthi nca kulamaceke-ceke enkokheli. amaxhalanga ajikeleza ebhabhela kufuphi, amalwimi engaphandle, evuzisela izinkcwe kulomhlaba utshoneleyo. urhulumente neenkokheli becwanywe phezulu, bephephezelisa amaphiko bechwayitile batshicela emilonyeni ekhamiseleyo yaamatshontsho ethu entaka. lo mgabho wabuyela umva, wehla ngeendlela ezimnxinwa zomqala, wakhekheleza ngekona zamathumbu wayokuphuma ngondonci wesizwe wanukisa lamaphepha wosulwa ngawo. imoto ize yambethwe lelovumba linuka phuqu.

he came with the blizzard dark. the lamp fluttered throwing his head side to side in a welcome stranger how long have you been on the road? he came out of the dreary, old, fixed into a snail’s pace night of our shame. tired as his clothes, his bag, but he was hanging towards dignity. his tongue, when he spoke his eyes. there was blood on his clothes, and coursing in his veins. he’d walked through thorn country. and into it. a cockroach looked at him and stuck its tongue out in anticipation. that night it drank the clotted blood of his arms as he slept on the floor. with me and timmy. timmy scratched his humpty dumpty tummy sitting on the wall of the empty oil drum, unnaturally quiet. looking at him in wonder. for the first time in my life mama and papa didn’t make noises in bed. timmy didn’t nudge me grinning and say they are at it again, their naughtiness. brother or sister coming down from the heaven of moans and groans. in my father’s house there are many sanctions. the morning light came crashing a whip, slicing the man’s back. he’s created a distraction. no clean dirty trespassers on my property you hear kaffir?

waza nenqwithela yobumnyama. yaphehluzelisa umlilo wesibane iwusa ngapha-nangapha usamkela undwendwe belunjani uhambo? wayengxunguphele, emdala, ecothoza busuku obuhamba nehlazo. edinwe eyilampahla wayeyinxibile, nesikhwama, kodwa ezama ukuqweba isidima. ulwimi lakhe, xa ethetha amehlo akhe. impahla zazinegazi, kubetha nemithambo. ebehamba kwithafa lameva. kuwo. kwakukho iphela elalimjonge ngamehlo esigcwawu. ngobabusuku laye lazinika kulamahlwili asezingalweni zakhe ngelixa yena eleli phantsi. nam notimmy.utimmy wayesonwayana nelaqhaga lisisisu sakhe, siligagam, kwakuthe cwaka isithukuthezi. ndimangalisekile. oko ndazalwa ndandiqala ukuva umama no tata bengenzi ngxolo ebhedini. ndasinda nasekukrwecweni ngutimmy encumile athi nabo beqala kwakhona, besenza amanyala. umzalwane okanye udade besehla kwizulu lemifutho neencwina. apha kulomzi katata umntu oyohlwaywa. ilitha lentsasa langena ngetshova, lihlaba indoda emhlana. ufumene indlela yokuqhwesha. andifuni rhoqotyeni ongacacanga angene kulamasango siyevana Kaffir?

it thundered. i rained. the other children laughed at me. timmy glared at them. they were afraid of him. they choked their laughter. the lows came down the man flinched, only. the blows came down until they were singing a monotonous tune. the blows rained from pink skies, his earth erupted, red. he raised his hand for shelter. it thundered. the cattle stamped their feet, the corn jumped to attention. the labourers pack-hounded him. they tore into him. want to break the white man’s hand hey? they bit into him. father stood head bowed. that made us walk distances in the night. but first they turned on him. bring a smartly dressed native onto the baas’ place and then hang his head in arrogance while others taught the man to stand still while being shown the way of good manners would be? they got father on his knees before they left him alone. mother tightened her grip on my shoulders every time the blows fell. they buried the man while he still breathed. that night we went out into the night. and walked a long way. i walked on, alone into my manhood. where now the car came out of that dark.

laduduma. ndachiphizisa. batsho ngesiqhazolo ontanga bam. utimmy wabathi gxezu kakubi. babemoyika. bomiwa yintsini aphela emqaleni. ehla amanqindi yacimela indoda, qha. zathontiyelana izithonga de zacula unoyana. Izithonga zakqonkqoza, zamntlakaza, kwabomvu. waphakamisa isandla ehlanganisa. lagqekreza. imfuyo yangqisha. umbona wathi saa. igquba labasenzi lambhuqa apho ebekho. bamkhonkotha. ufuna sophuke isandla somlungu hee? bamnqeza. utata wema ejongise intloko ezantsi. lonto yaba ngunobangela wokuba sicande imigama ngobusuku. kodwa baqala ngokumjikela. zisa umdaka uzihombeleyo kwabass usakugqiba umhlisele isidima njengokuba abanye bemfundisa ukuzinza abe eboniswa nendlela elungileyo yokuziphatha? bamguqisa ngenkani utata phambi kokuba bamyeke. umama wayemane endinkamfula apha emagxeni qho xa kusehla isithonga. bayingcwaba indoda isaphefumla. ngobabusuku saphuma ngorhatya. sahamba umgama omde. ndaqhubekeka ngohambo, ndangena ndedwa ebudoneni. kwavele kwathi gqi imoto ebumnyameni.

thirty seconds! no one’s going to hurt you! the loudhailer wailed. they were a burst drainpipe spilling into the streets. and still the commissar sad, what? is your mother a witch that you cannot understand a simple order. we will not reduce ourselves to their subhumanity. no human life is to be taken, under any cost. i pleaded with mama not to go out. she insisted on negotiating with them. she opened the door and walked. we’ve been walking all our lives. a sound on the roof and i fired. opening a man’s head sized hole and a cat, head shattered, fell down at my feet. splashing red on my head. a metal on the walls, breaking the windows. i loved my cat. it was superstition black. i loved music. even the songs of owls. it would twitch its tail in time to jazz. coo in tune with ballads. bob its body to uptempo beats. get lulled to sleep by the blues. i don’t know how it happened. but laura hated inchie dick’s music. i loved the fellow’s mellow tones. i bought an album of his and brought it home, when it spun on the turntable the cat went mad. jumping onto the music system with all satan fury in a ball of fur. scratching the disk while laura howled and tore at my face. yellow eyes glowed after the music went dead. the cat licked itself. laura crotcheted. neither looked at me. i threw inchie dick into the dustbin. next day – i was the man of the house – i bought a tape of itchy dick’s. the cat scratched laura a bit and the reel throttled me. the world spun itself out of orbit and onto its head. laura crashed against the speaker. the cat threw itself again and again at the machine until the sound went dead. i scratched the chin of my amazement. the cat bared its fangs laura her nails when i approached the music centre. i went out for a drink. i came home early. laura was open mouthed on the carpet. the cat had its throat slit and was bleeding onto inchie dicks’s feet. the knife still lay next to his head. it wasn’t dead. looked at me with a plea in its eye. inchie heaved deep into laura’s hell hole. he howled when laura ran her hands over the scratched on his pink buttocks. me and the cat walked distances that night to bullet lifting mama higher and higher forever before it lowered her down and down eternally amampondo miriam makeba’s bird flew high and descended and it was breezy an amampondo mama rose high into the air amampondo she went down swaying into and with the music and i smiled amampondo my mother but the blood burst into my mouth bastards but mama was looking at me fiercely don’t bring your foul mouth into this house you hear you son of a dead man just because he’s not here doesn’t make you a man you bald groined amampondo and the woman from up the street was shouting at mama and fuck her mama made it with father before he died she wasn’t doing anything now it’s timmy who did naughty things with her little girl and i hope the woman would only let that leashed dog of hers on timmy not my mamahh… the strap came down and the cat came down of the hole bigger than papa’s boots ringing on the doorstep with a shower of dust and entrails and cockroached scrambling for cover from that belt raining on my head and the bullets screaming against the walls and a head showed above a bonnet and went out of sight with a red hole on the forehead and timmy ran to mama and i opened my mouth to scream timmy the other boys were ganging up on me and timmy was there all of a suddenly landing fist on a boy’s face bam bam and they were falling one by one and ho! my big brother is tough man! and i jumped on the stomach of one of them and fell off and he retched into my face sies! bastard timmy ran to mama the door opened and timmy ran towards mama they started it ma it wasn’t us i swear it wasn’t mama the belt came down and it roared thunderously and opened timmy’s head and he fell and the rain came through the roof as timmy fell clutching mama’s hand and timmy wiped the blood off my face and i spat a tooth out and we took it and threw it onto the roof father Christmas would bring me a golden one and i fired again and again until the rifle burned my hands and yes my boy you’ll know better than to steal meat from the pot when you think no one’s looking but mama smeared ointment on my burns and the pain brought tears to my eyes and i fired through the watery curtain again and again and threw a grenade and come here my boy you think my house is a playground? throwing balls at my windows now are you and i went out through the smashed window mama was dead i cried timmy was dead i cried and swung at the head coming round the corner trying to ambush me hm, i jumped the fence. the bastards hadn’t covered that end of the story. in the heat and the stifling dust the car stopped. three faces white against dirty brown stared at me. i bowed my old man head. they conferred in rapid mouth movements and grinned. i made to drag myself along. the doors’ bones creaked. the land lay dying. fried in invisible fires. a skeletal goat raised its head from the parched earth and looked for a while. the smell of humans scared it off. they came out of the tomb of the car. three ghosts. grunts. growls. almost all the talking that was done. a man. a  boy. a girl. and me. young old man. the devil dresses himself up. they were decently dressed. the glue holding me and my beard together, boiled in the sun and the sweat. get on with it dave, the boy and the girl chorused. dave got on with it. he was an elephant. his fist trumpeted breaking a jaw bone. my beard shifted, i threw myself down to hide it. the girl gaped, the boy grinned, sex flowed in the steaming heat and juice. they fondled. the gag dug into my back. the man stamped on my testicles, i screamed, the girl moaned, the boy groaned. the man hit me again. oh yes now please now i screamed and they spun in loud sucking noises of passion. moving in time to my sounds. increasing their tempo when my cries rose, slowing down when i ebbed. the blows came the screams went the movements came and went. the sun spun in a red fierce as the communist party flag that fluttered in the breeze of far away yet deep at home hopes. tears welled as amandla we stood the land erect. boots deep in mud. forward! the commander thundered. a woman cried you’re a fascist commander and we threw ourselves on the ground with mock derision, glad for the respite. yes, i’m as fascist as your mother, up children of witches? it was time.

imizuzwana elishumi elinesithathu! akukho mntu ozakwenzakalisa! sakhwaza isandisi-sandi. baya bethontiyelana  okwamanzi anelindle engcolisa istalato. kodwa waqhubeka ucommissar wathi, intoni? Ingaba umama wakho ligqirhwa njengokuba kunzima ukulandela umyalelo omnye nje. asizokuzihlisela isidima ngaba bantu. akukho mntu uzakuphulukana nobomi bakhe, ndixolele ukujinga iliso. ndamcenga umama ukuba angakulinge aphume. wanyanzelisa ingxoxo nabo. wavula umnyango wahamba. oko sihamba ubomi obu bethu. ndeva isandi phezu kwendlu ndadubula. kwavuleka umngxunya olingana nentloko yomntu kunye nekati, intloko intleke-ntleke, thaca ezinyaweni zam. ndatshizwa yinto ebomvu entloko. intsimbi emadongeni, isophula ifestile, ndandiyithanda ikati yam. yayimnyama oku kukrokrisayo. ndandizithandela umculo. nditsho neengoma zeezikhova. yayididizelisa umsila wayo uhambelane nejazz. ihumzele kamnandi kwibhalad. ixhuma-xhumise umzimba kumculo onesantya esiphezulu. Imbambezelwe de ilale yiblues. andazi ukuba yenzeka njani. kodwa ulaura ebewucaphukela umculo ka inchie dick. bendisithanda isandi salamfo esizolileyo. ndaye ndathenga icwecwe lakhe ndeza nalo endlini, lathi lakujikeleza kwiturntable yavele yaligeza ikati.yatsibela isidlali-umculo ngefuthe lika sathana, yalikrwela icwecwe wabe yena ulaura endihawula endikhonkotha apha ebusweni. akhazimla lamehlo atyheli emveni kokuba umculo uthule. yazikhotha ikati. ulaura wanitha. bobabini abandijonga. ndamjula emgqomeni uinchie dick. kusuku olulandelayo-ndandiyindoda yomzi- ndathenga ikhasethi lika inchie dick. Ikati yakhe  yamfika kancinci ulaura ngamazipho, ivili landiqhuba. ilizwe lajikeleza lanesiyezi layokuwa ngentloko. ulaura waphula ispeaker. ikati yona yayibane izijula kwisidlali-mculo de sacima. ndaye ndaphulula isilevu ndikhwanqisekile. ikati yandivezela amabamba ulaura iinzipho xa ndandizama ukusondela kwisidlali-mculo. ndaye ndaphuma ndayokufumana isithobo. ndabuya kwangoko. ulaura wayekhamisile phezu kwemethi. Ikati yayiqhawulwe umqala isophela phezu kwenyawo zika inchie dick. imela iselapha ecaleni kwentloko yayo. yayingekafi. yandijonga kalusizana. uinchie wayephefumla phakathi kwamathanga kalaura. yagxwala xa ulaura wayeyphulula kulo mkrwelo wawukwezampundu zayo zipink. mna nekati yam sahamba imigama ngoba busuku samnyusa umama echanwe yimbumbulu phambi kokuba imwise unaphakade amapondo intaka ka miriam makeba yayibhabhela phezulu yaze yehla kwakukho impepho umama wanyukela emoyeni amampondo wehla eshukunyiswa eshukuma nomculo ndancuma amapondo umama kodwa igazi lakhe latsibela emlonyeni wam lemigqakhwe le kodwa umama wayendijamele ungakulinge uze nobukrwada bakho apha kulomzi siyevana nyana womfi into yokuba angabikho ayithethi ukuthi nguwe ndoda utsho ngemiphakatho engenaboya apha mpondo ndini nalamfazi wangentla kwestalato wangxolisa umama, makayonya umama ebelala notata esaphila akukho nto ebeyenza ngoku ibingutimmy obesenza izinto nalantwazana yakhe incinci kwaye ndinqwenela ukuba la mfazi ufunze utimmy ngalenja yakhe hayi owam umama…lakhululeka ibhanti yaze ikati yehla ikhawulezile kula mngxunya ulingana namaquza katata ashixiza ngasemnyango enothuli kunye nezibilini abe amaphela ekhangele indawo yokuzifihla ezimela ibhanti elalisehla entlokweni yam kunye nembumbulu ezazibhetheka emadongeni kukho nentloko eyayikrobe phezu kwebhonethi yaphinda yasithela inomgxunya olapha ebunzi yena utimmy wabalekela kumama mna ndakhamisa ndikhwaza utimmy kuba la amakhwenkwe ayendipakela utimmy walapha ngalomzuzu egibisela ingqindi ebusweni bomntu qilikithi-qilikithi besiwa nganye-nganye kwaye yho! umkhuluwa wam womelele! mna ndaxhimfa enye esuswini ndayokuwa nantso ikhonyulukela ebusweni bam sies! lo umgqakhwe utimmy wabaleka waya kumama umnyango wavuleka utimmy wangqala kumama siqalwe ngabo mama ibengesithi nyani-nyani ibengesithi ibhanti lehla ngamandla lamkrazula apha entloko utimmy wawa yabe imvula ingena ngophahla wabe utimmy esiwa embambelele esandleni sikamama utimmy wandosula igazi ebusweni mna ndatsitsa izinyo salithatha saligibisela phezu kwendlu sinomnqweno wokuba umseki weKrisimesi uzakundiphathela elegolide ndadubula ndadubula wade umbhayi-mbhayi wanditshisa isandla injalo ke toto uyakuyazi ukuba inyama ayibiwa embizeni kuba ucinga akukho mntu ukubonayo kodwa yena umama wawathambisa amanxeba am okutsha zabe iintlunga zibizela inyembezi hayke ndadubula ndizimele ngekhethini ndaphinda-phinda ndagibisela isiqhushumbisi sesandla izapha kwedini ucinga indlu yam yindawo yokudlalela? ugibiusela iibhola ezifestileni zam ngoku hii ndaziphosa ngalefestile yophukileyo umama wasweleka ndakhala utimmy wasweleka ndakhala ndagibisela ingqindi kulo ebazama ukundiqubula, ndatsiba ucingo. lemigqakhwe yayisalahleka. kobabushushu nolwathuli lwalutsarha imoto yamisa. ndajanyelwa ngamadoda amathatu ubumhlophe bungqamene nobumnyama. ndajongisa intloko phantsi. babeshwantswatha basakugqiba besineke. ndazirhuqa phakathi. kweengcango’ amathambo ekrikriza. umhlaba uthe natya. utshiswa yimililo engekhoyo.amathambo ebhokwe eyafela kulomhlaba utshileyo aphakamisa intloko akhe ajonga okwethutyana. oyiswa livumba lomntu. kwingcwaba lemoto kwaphuma iziporho ezithathu. zibhavuma. zivungama. konke ezazikuthetha. umfo. idyongwana. intombazana kunye nam. umfo obuqina. usathana unxiba iimpahla. babenxibe kakuhle. leglu yayibambe mna kunye nalentshetyana yam yanyibilikiswa lilanga nombilo. yide wenze dave, la dyongwana nalantombazana batsho ngaxesha nye. nyani udave wade wenza.  wayelingana nendlovu. ingqindi lakhe landophula umhlathi. intshebe yaswaya. ndazijula phantsi ndiyifihla. intombaza yayekelela umlomo, idyogwana yasineka, kwaqhutywa ivangeli yezesondo kushushu kunjalo. bagudlana. lento indibophileyo yandityabula umhlana. lomfo wandinyathela amatyhalarha, ndabhonga, intombazana yancwina, idyongwana yavungama. lomfo wandifika kwakhona. oh yhini ndiyakucela ndakhala ndicenga batsho ngengxolokazi enkulu bevutha. bencedisana nesikhalo sam. bonyuse isantya qho xa ndisiya ndikhalela phezulu, besithoba xa ndisehla. izithonga zagaleleka izikhalo zatsho inguphantsi-phezulu kuyilonto. ilanga labe limile okwe flegi yamakomanisi ephephezeliswa yimpepho yethemba elithe qelele kodwa lingekude kuyaphi. inyembezi zehla zingu-amandla sabe sime ngokuzimisela singagungqi. amaquza etshone edakeni. phambili!wagadlela ukhomanda (umphathi). kwakho owasetyhini othi ulawula ngegqudu wena khomanda savele sazijula phantsi safa yintsini, sonwaba okomzuzwana. ewe, ndilawula ngegqudu ndifuze unyoko, phakamani nizalwa ngamagqirhwa? ixesha lalifikile.

oh shit will you please shut up! the holy father closing his bible was thunder shaking the house of my courage. dark clouds in the eyes of heaven looked down on my earth. then, unaccountably, he broke down, coming down bricks. it battered my sanity. coming down bricks on my head. breaking the twigs of my sleep. it rained on mammy. on the boy, on my debrised dreams, it rained and carried them away. now i sit here, alone, in the mud of my thoughts.

Khawuvale lo mlomo tu! akuvala ibhabhiyile umfundisi ndagevezelisa amadolo. amafu amanyanama emehlweni ezulu ajonga umhlaba, emveni koko, wavele, wagixa, isichotho, satyoboza ingcinga zam. isichotho sisiwa phezu kwentloko yam. sindikhothula intongo emehlweni. wanethwa umama. netyendyana. namaphupha am abubutyobo, yagalela yaze yemka nabo. ngoku ndihleli apha, ndedwa, kubutyadidi bengcinga zam.

brainblasted aflame the situation is gone haywire loose on madness. dark flag.

serpentine tongues flash out of the dark & i feel blood erupt hot in my face. my intestines drag in the street.

i feel myself standing on them. & the sand gather.

& they laugh.

they laugh & it’s cross currents hitting me between the eyes. the veins distend on my temples. there’s blood all around me. the knife takes off a piece of my nose.

the one spits into my mouth when i try to scream.

i gulp it down. the other one starts pissing on my head.

i keep falling & rising.

i heave & my stomach stretches it comes out stinking through my mouth.

i’m standing & falling in a stinking world.

faeces in the grit-street greet my every manoeuvre.

kutshisa ubuchopho kuxinene ingqondo imeko ithande ukuba maxhongo kunzima. iflegi emnyama. amalwini eenyoka alenceza ebumnyameni & ndiva ukubaleka kwegazi ebusweni. amathumba am ayarhuqa estalatweni.

ndiwanyathele. & agcwala isanti.

&bayahleka.

bayahleka & igazi libaleka apha phakathi kwamehlo. imithambo idumbile ebusweni.

ndilijaja nje. imela ikruntsula impumlo yam.

omnye unditsicela pha emlonyeni xa ndizama ukubhonga.

ndaginya. omnye lo wandichamela entloko.

ndibane ndisiwa & ndivuka.

ndikhoke umoya & isisu sam sitsaleke kuphume into enukayo ngomlomo.

ndiwa ndivuka kwilizwe elinukayo.

ndiba ngazama iqhinga ndikhawulelwa lilindle.

it smells of fermented rotten food. cabbage & egg. one kicks at my balls. the traffic screeches its way to sleep. i think it’s cats on heat rubbing against my groin.

the skies open light flash all around me i feel like a drunken superstar. paranoid of death. sirens cut through thoughts of me crapping on a cripple’s face.

perceptions fade lord lift me higher. the music shatters the ghouls keep gloating laughing…

the dog looks ashamed of the whole spectacle… flash out…flickers erect…all clouds up…it’s fire in my groin shooting up my spine through my ears there’s a storm in there…i’m throwing up red phlegm.

linevumba lokutya okubolileyo. ikhaphetshu neqanda. omnye undikhaba amatyhalarha. nabo abantu beshixiza bayokulala. ndicinga ukuba zikati ezishushu ezi zindigudla imiphakatho.

kutyhileke isbhakabhaka ndiphandlwe lilitha ndibe ngathi ndingasaziwayo onxilileyo. esoyika ukufa.

impempe yengozi (sirens) iphazamisa iingcinga zam zokulahla ilindle ebusweni besilima.

zemka  iingqondo bawo ndiphakamisele phezulu. umculo wayeka  ezi zaphuselane zisahleka kumnandi….kudane nenja ngulombono…kwacima izibane…kwalenyeza….aqulungana amafu…kutshotshozela imiphakatho ukunyuka ngomchachazo ukuyokutsho ezindlebeni kuyatsha pha…ndihlanza ixakaxa elinegazi.

the fists rock riding hard on my skin, tearing through flesh trying to rip out my very humanity & i hobble, jellied in the look of hatred the screwed up belief in the eye of the sacred rulers of my universe. i strike & break a knuckle on the grinning ugly face of one of the pigs but they keep coming at me. blown to the eyeballs on some drugs…violence is a drug i’ve been told, i sink a foot in another’s yielding flab & it crumples into the dust but the entire structure of centuries old tradition comes down on me.

amangqindi ayabetheka nje apha emzimbeni, akrazula inyama ezama ukususa kwanto nje ethi mntu apha kum & ndiyangcambaza, ndityhengetyhenge ndinjongwe ngamehlo azele ntiyo ngongcwele-ngcwele abalawula eli lizwe. ndakhe ndayifika ngengqindi ebusweni isasinekile enye yezihagu abayekanga ukundinkula. ndidumbe namehlo…ubundlobongela sisiyobisi batsho abaziyo, enye ndayihlohla inyawo kwinyama ejingayo & yashabanisa ubuso kodwa kwehla isichotho esiqulathe iminyaka yengcinezelo phezu kwam.

smelling blood & sniffing in the heavy air, they came after me.

& through the serrated speakers hanging from the noose above the bar mutabaruka splashed some reggae sun onto my gloomy moment.

drum & bass crashing retorts against the wall of silence.

& the predators came on, on blood heat.

the non-entity said it was what it wasn’t, so reported marechera. blinded by his own black sunlight.

benukiselwa ligazi & bejoja apha emoyeni, bakhwela kum.

& kwezazikhuphi-sandi ezazijinga entanjeni ngemtla kwebhari umutabaruka wandikhanyisela ngelitha le reggae njengokuba ndandobethwe lilifu elimnyama.

Igubu nesingqi ziphendulana kumadonga enzolo.

& amarhamncwa awayekanga, anxanelwe igazi.

ungantweni wathi ibiyilento ingeyiyo, kwatsho marechera. ephandlwa lilitha lobumnyama bakhe.

we all have a reason for being alive. hani was shot & days later treurnicht’s heart could no longer handle the vacuum & rejected him.

i jumped things subversive bail & alleged men & women of substance put poetry on trial for breaking laws made political in a religious bring down.

sonke sinaso isizathu sokuphila. uhani wadutyulwa kungetsuku zatywala intliziyo ka treunicht yadinwa kukubetha kwiqokobhe yoyisakala.

ndaxhumela izinto ngendelelo khululani & abatyholwa abangamadoda & abangagamanina abachubekileyo nitshutshisa imibongo ngenxa yokophula imithetho eguqulwe yayeyopolitiko ngenjongo yokubhukuqa inkolo.

ice-t said when he tries to write about parties & the good time the pen yanks away & destroys the rhyme. i’ve been feeling that way trying to go subliminal. & what is not becomes.

writing in some grating sub-level manner about old shrunken liberals, how they turn the heater on drink drug sugared coffee throw the crumbs in the direction of ethiopia.

saying at the top of the voice of my pen “it’s the pettiest bourgeois liberal dose of shit that ever stank like a brain-drain.”

u-ice-t wathi xa ezama ukubhala ngamatheko namxesha eziyolo usiba luyaphuncuka libulale imvano-siphelo. nakum kubanjalo xa ndizama ukusithelisa izinto. & kugqame into engeyiyo.

engumbhalo onqunqela egoqweni lamgxagxa angohlohlesakhe, ngoba bayazifudumeza baphunge ikofu esisicefane bakugqiba bajule imbhuqu e-Ethopia.

ndimemeza ngosiba lwam ndithi “ibubuvuvu obungacacanga bezinhanha ezingohlohlesakhe obunuka phuqu ukunya”

but who i am to talk.

phofu andinagunya lakuthetha.

when the nation was venting its anger giving outlet the hitherto bottled frustration in breaking windows stone hurling burning looting orgies of destruction i was seating in a pretentious supposedly alternative coffee shop nibbling at my conscience with the rough edges of the cookies trying to warm my shrunken impotence with caffeine, feigning anger at the powers of mortality. but vulnerability finds me seating with inkless pen & wrinkled paper trying to capture the essence of my reality, trying to trap the whole sphere of existence in a ball-pointed moment.

ngokuya isizwe sasiveza ukufutheka kugqabhuke umsindo omkhulu besophula iifestile kuxulutywa ngamatye kutshiwa kusonakaliswa ndandihleli kwikhefu ethengisa ikofu ndityiwa sisazela ndincembetshisa amaqebengwane ndizama ukuzomeleza ngecaffeine, ndizenza onomsindo. kodwa ukuthamba kwandifumana ndihleli nosiba olungenancidi nephepha elishwabeneyo ndixakwe kukubhala umongo wenyani yam, ndizama ukunyhala ubume bempilo kumzuzwana wencam yosiba.

& there’s a massive demonstration of the people’s indignation at the death of their leader, they take to the streets pour into town & the newspaper calls it peaceful. at the bottom of the rung it’s the hawkers & street vendors on the pavements that got caught in the fire of the resultant hunger. the people shall feed when the need arises. & i sat in a coffee bar like a scared rat, nibbling at cookies & drinking coffee, like the northern suburb subject of my bloated attacks. often & a rock came crashing through the window & cracked a poodle sleeping fat on its wrinkled old owner’s lap. but that passed with the march. & i still had my coffee & cookies & tried to no avail to convince the woman i was with i wasn’t only good in the writing of uninspired poetry.

&kukho ugwayimbo ngokungaxabiseki kwabantu emveni kokuba beswelekelwe yinkoheli yabo, bagcwalisa ezitalato bayokufika nasedolophini aze wona amaphepha-ndaba athi beluzolile. kuyo yonke lento ngabaphila ngokuzithengisela abachaphezelwa kakhulu ngulomlilo wendlala yogwayimbo. abantu kufuneka betyile xa kunyanzelekile. & mna ndandihleli kwikhefu ethengisa ikofu okwempuku eyoyikayo, ndisitya iqebengwana & ndisela ikofu, ndingohlukanga  kumhlali wasenorthen surbub endihlala ndimgxeka. oko & ilitye langena ngefestile layokubetha inja (poodle) eyayirhona kamnandi phezu komniniyo . kodwa naleyo yadlula nogwayimbo. & ndaqhubekeka nokuphunga ikofu yam & namaqebengwana & ndizama ukucacisela eligqiyazana ndandinalo ukuba andiphelelanga ekubhaleni imibongo engacacanga qha.

wouldn’t you rather believe poetry is other countries?

Awufuni ukukholelwa ukuba imibongo ingamanye amazwe?

not the hunger stretched & pulled taut in a burning length of intestines sprawled on the pavement. a sandblast of famine drags hot across my mind, the rats of camus’ plague tear at my senses. they don’t die however much i crash this pen against the paper surface, they seat at a distance and leer, lurch around drunken on my blood dripping from their stinking snouts.

hayi lendlala inwetyiweyo & yatsalwa  kakhulu yalingana namathumbu exananaze ecaleni kwendlela. isagqwithi sesifo sigquba ngqondweni yam, iirote zigxobha-gxobha ingcinga zam. azide zife nokuba olu siba ndilucinezela kangakanani ephepheni, zimele qelele zibane ukundikrwaqula, zihamba zigxadezela zinxile ligazi lam livuza apha kwezi mpumlo zazo zimdaka.

& at the turn of the page street corner wink at me & disappear to resurface behind my eyelids, shooting out the sights & visions i often see in my sleep. but they trap them within, bounce them against my woken sensibilities.

& ekoneni yotyhilo phepha zindiqobela imehlo & ziduke kuba ziphinde zithi gqi emva kwenkophe zamehlo am, ziveza imibono yam edla ekokundivelela amathongweni. kodwa ziyigcina eluvalwelweni, ziyithelekise nengqondo yam.

grovelling at the feet of opulence this hunger, licking the boot that kicks it & then bobbing down the road with an art effect attitude.

Iguqe phambi kobunewunewu lendlala, ikhotha kwa eliquza liyikhabayo & yakugqiba ihle ngendlela izimisele inebhongo ngenkcubekho yayo.

(translated into isiXhosa by Mbongeni Tshenolo Nomkonwana)